vr6stress

you know i get to see if from both sides, and most of the time i'm pretty understanding. i mean yeah i understand that sometimes there just isn't a way around something, i also know about getting managers and so forth with issues that seem like they should be a different way. but seriously people, do you ever think about the person on the other end of the phone and what they do all day long? no no...it's not all pretty you don't get to talk to happy people with no problems, you get to talk to people who have problems, then have attitudes to match. sometimes, it starts to grind on you. ask yourself this, does the person on the phone have the ability to do everything you want? probably not. does the person on the phone really have all the answers? no probably not. to get all those answers is it wise to ask someone if they want to yell at the person on the phone? no, it's not a good idea. i get kind of tired when people do nothing but complain, yes i understand you want a product to work flawlessly...gues what it's not gonna happen. there are answers to most problems, but like most things there are some problems that haven't been answered yet, and for that we try our best to get you back on your feet until we get the answer to the problem. so yelling at me when i can't do anything, gets you the same, nothing. i have no power to do much but fix things. aim your anger at the proper indivuals, not the people who actually hold your business in the palm of their hand. i mean lets say i have your complete inventory file and i'm kaing some surgical changes to it for you, then you start yelling at me, drawing my attention away from what i'm doing. is this a wise choice of action? certainly it shouldn't be, but you'd be suprised at how many people can't think past their nose. gah i get so annoyed...

you know i get to see if from both sides, and most of the time i'm pretty understanding. i mean yeah i understand that sometimes there just isn't a way around something, i also know about getting managers and so forth with issues that seem like they should be a different way. but seriously people, do you ever think about the person on the other end of the phone and what they do all day long? no no...it's not all pretty you don't get to talk to happy people with no problems, you get to talk to people who have problems, then have attitudes to match. sometimes, it starts to grind on you. ask yourself this, does the person on the phone have the ability to do everything you want? probably not. does the person on the phone really have all the answers? no probably not. to get all those answers is it wise to ask someone if they want to yell at the person on the phone? no, it's not a good idea. i get kind of tired when people do nothing but complain, yes i understand you want a product to work flawlessly...gues what it's not gonna happen. there are answers to most problems, but like most things there are some problems that haven't been answered yet, and for that we try our best to get you back on your feet until we get the answer to the problem. so yelling at me when i can't do anything, gets you the same, nothing. i have no power to do much but fix things. aim your anger at the proper indivuals, not the people who actually hold your business in the palm of their hand. i mean lets say i have your complete inventory file and i'm kaing some surgical changes to it for you, then you start yelling at me, drawing my attention away from what i'm doing. is this a wise choice of action? certainly it shouldn't be, but you'd be suprised at how many people can't think past their nose. gah i get so annoyed...

bah, i hate it....

your having a pretty decent day and things are going along and then all the sudden it takes a terrible turn and your faced, head on, with ANGER.....

great now the rest of the day, well okay maybe not the rest of the day, but still for the next while my day is shot. now i'm all ultra-sensitive to everything around me making my anger worse. the mis-information crew is probably the biggest instigator of the perpetuation of my anger. i focus down on the crap that spills from their mouth, all the while i know how wrong they are. everyone around them just eating it up as if they are the masters of the universe.

hmmm maybe if i rub the buddha's belly it'll make me happy and calm me down.....

rub rub rub.....and waiting...

so i know something. i know exactly what i should be doing. i know where i should be going. i know exactly why i should be doing it. i know what would happen if i did do it.

so why don't i do it? why do i have such a hard time breaking down and doing it? it's the right thing, not only would it benefit me, but my wife and children also. so why am i controled by this stubborness? why do i feel helpless, under the thumb of it?

i suppose it doesn't help my faith is also faltering. why does my faith have anything to do with this? it's all intertwined. my faith is where most of the right things i'm suppose to be doing come from, and without the backing of that faith it makes it harder. i'm seriously sitting on the edge of a mountain here. it's all a story, it's real....the questions swirl around inside my head until i just want to shout and scream. in the back of my head, i keep telling myself it's all real and correct - this is right, he's there and you do beleive in him. but in the realness of everyday it's getting harder and harder to beleive anymore.

someone could say something about my faith trying to tear it down and i would defend it to the death, but the duality of myself tears me apart instead. it's real, it's all made-up.

it gets even worse because i know how to resolve this easy enough, i know the right things to do - yet i'm hesitant to even try. ...why?

you know, through the past few months i've waivered. my faith comes and goes, my strength falters and slows. the feelings i get parallel the famous poem "footprints", yet even though i can know that the lord has never left my side, it doesn't stop me from feeling as if he has. the crushing weight of regret and pain i've caused. it's a battle i fight daily, and as the war grinds on and i find myself further and further behind the front.

tonight i recieved a journal entry from a person i harldy know, but on some level it doesn't matter, the effects are the main point. i've been effected. it caused me to dig deep in my dried bitter heart, in recesses left scared and dusty i found a kernel. a kernel of faith, glowing  in the darkness. i've always know it was there, but never really felt like finding it.

the lesson one learns in life are always easier understood afterwards. hindsight is indeed 20-20. as a parent, i understand things my parents said when i was child far to well now. yes it really does hurt me more then them when punishments come around. it's also very clear the kind of love god has for his children. to me it seems simple now. the love i have for my children, has got to be the same love he has for his (meaning us) and it's painful. the call i received from my wife one day that our oldest had gone missing - stryed from the flock if you will, the terror in her voice. all the sudden there i was with panic and horror of all the possibilties of what might have happened to my son. the same pain and suffering god must go through when one of his children slip down the slope of sin. but i'm not here to preach, just explain...

i want to thank for sending me his journal entry. whether he knows it or not, it probably has helped me more then me trying to help him. it happened for a reason, and i'd like to think it is two fold. his comfort, and my strength...whether or not it works is up to each of us, and even if it doesn't help us...i know the lord is making an effort with me, even thought most of the time i'm too blinded to see it.